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Memories of My Mother
"Long, long ago, there was an island in the distant sea,where lived a fairy who was said be able to make a child lovely and bright. One day, ..." As the story went on, MumPs voice grew fainter and fainter, when she gently looked down at me.Then a melodious song came into my ear as if music made by the angels flying in the faraway sky. Gradually, Mom's smile dimmed, and her glittering eyes were just like the brightest stars on the dark blue curtain of night...
Countless nights had passed in this way during my infancy. In my naive heart, Mother's voice was deeper and softer than the nightingale. Even now I still remember quite clearly that cradlesong she used to sing before I fell asleep. Those old melodies still sound so good to me, as they melt the years away.To me, Mother's companionship was the most important thing in my childhood.
Mother is an incurable romantic, passionately in love with life and with the mystery of the universe. She taught me to open up all the channels of my senses to touch and feel what lies all a round me, and discovered with me the beauty of nature, the joy,excitement and mystery of the new and the unknown. She is quite at home in literature because of her active and imaginative mind. Every new experience, every new discovery concerning the world could delight her.
I went off to college, but Mum is still always in my memory. I could hear her voice every time I fell short in anything.From breast to cradle to reassuring hug, Mum has shared all the happiness and depression of mine. However, she never expressed herself. Upon my entry into university, when she and Father were going back home, she hurriedly turned back to run along, even without a look at me. I knew she dared not, for fear that tears should fall down in my presence. This separation would last nearly five months during which she could not see me. She was just trying to stop me from seeing her crying. I was refraining myself, too, because the long time living with her had made me an exact person like her. Later, Father told me she kept wiping her eyes on the bus to the railway station. I knew that, because I love you, Mum, and you already knew that too.
簡 評
這是一篇情真意切的散文佳作。親情、友情、愛情是永恒的話題，而對母親的思念更是牽動著無數在外求學的游子的心。孫揚同學的這篇作文語言清新流暢，自然純真。對人物的描寫和心理活動的刻畫都生動傳神，將母親對他的愛放在平凡的日常生活中娓娓道來，并抓住母親送自己上大學這一點進行重點描寫，顯示了作者嫻熟的寫作功力。
作者對語言的把握也相當出色，雖然句式和詞匯并不復雜，但詞匯的使用都貼切傳神，所謂“the right word at the right time”。作者的閱讀面也很寬，“Those old melodies still sound sogood to me，as theymelt the yearsaway．”這一句就是引自TheCarpenters的名曲"YesterdayOnce More”，但使用得恰到好處。盡管文章中敘事和議論交織在一起，但作者對時態的使用依然準確無誤。作者還善于使用短語來配合敘事文體的特征，像fall short，at home等的使用都顯示了作者不凡的語言功底。
當然，作者對部分詞匯(如naive，intensely和refrain)的使用似乎來源于辭典的漢語釋義，顯得不夠地道。而英英辭典或英漢雙解辭典則能夠很好地幫助學習者走出辭典譯文的誤區。此外，若將自己和父母依依惜別的場景描寫得更加細膩一些，尤其是注重母親的眼神、動作等細節描寫，則會收到更好的效果。
(點評教師：孫東云)
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