Memories of My Brother

Memories of My Brother

     My elder brother has helped me register and get everything into my dormitory. It is time for him to leave. Due to two days' toil and lack of sleep he looked a bit worn. His hair was in a mess; his eyes were slightly swollen. He took out all his money and pressed it into my handbag, except 200 hundred yuan  his returning fare.
     "I have enough money for this semester.  I don't need it,"said I.
     "The living cost in Shanghai is so high. It will come in very handy. Besides, it's cold and damp in winter here, so you'd better buy a warm and thick coat," he said in a hoarse voice.
     I nodded, tears welling into my eyes.
     With a smile, he encouragingly patted me on the shoulder and said; "Don't cry, enjoy your campus life but don't forget to work hard."
簡  評
    何樣菊同學的這篇作文雖然不長，但情真意切。字里行間洋溢著兄妹之間的深情厚誼。對于記敘哥哥送她上大學這段經歷時，作者只截取了最后分別的一段，因而顯得重點突出。作者沒有用煽情的詞句和動人的語言，但通過對人物的細節描寫，如外貌、表情等，就很好地渲染出了兄長對妹妹的無私關懷。
    作者的語言地道，用詞精煉生動，顯示了作者不凡的語言功底。作者對文體知識也有較好的了解，在交談中使用了一些口語中的詞匯和詞組，顯得人物對話更加親切生動，真實可信。
    作者在這篇短文中不僅融入了自己的真情實感，而且運用了靈活的寫作技巧，使文章顯得光彩奪目，是一篇不可多得的佳作。
    (點評教師：孫東云)

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