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Our Changjing River-我們的長江
We call the Yellow River our "Mother River" and we also see the Chang, jiang River as our "Father River" since these two rivers are the source of the civilization of Chinese people. Our remote ancestors lived along the river, so both rivers have witnessed the growth of Chinese people and they are our valuable heritage.
My childhood is closely associated with the Changjiang River. When I was young, my father often took me to the riverside.I was always struck by the beautiful scenery of the river. The water was pure, clean and blue. Some birds flew down, scraped the water and roared up suddenly and some grass floated in the water quietly. Looking into the distance, I saw the river wandering toward the east. However, after the thunderstorm, the water was turbulent with some whirls in the middle of the river.The fresh breeze gave my face a feeling of moisture. Even today I still remember the magnificent scene and the impressive feeling.
Some unpleasant changes have taken place since then. Many hills alongside the river have become bald. More and more mud and dust are being washed down into the river each year. Worse
still, driven by economic profits, some factories keep pouring pollutants into the river.
Luckily people have been awakened to their obligation.They learn a lesson from the big flood in 1998 that we have to nourish our Changjiang River just as it has nourished us and protect it just as it has protected us. Only after a harmonious relationship has been established between men and the river can we prevent the tragedy happening again and restore beauty to our Changjiang River.
簡 評
本文中，作者描寫了童年所見的長江上的美景，表達了作者對生態破壞，環境污染問題的關注。文章一開始，作者就把長江與黃河做了一個類比，把長江稱為“父親河”。作者的童年在長江邊度過，因此第二段中描寫了當時未受污染的長江上的景色：藍色的長江水純凈、清澈，可以看見其中的水草，一些鳥在江面上來回飛舞；遠處，長江水靜靜向東流，而暴風雨后，江水湍流，激起幾個旋渦，清新的微風吹在臉上，感到微微濕潤。然而，好景不長，漸漸地，江邊的山禿了，大量的塵土沖入江中。更糟糕的是，周圍的工廠向江中傾倒污染物。最后，作者引用了1998年發生的洪災，提醒人們要飲水思源，保護環境，防止悲劇再次發生。
本文不是單純地寫景，而是通過描寫長江昔日的美景，提出一個深刻的問題，呼吁人們增強環保意識，提升了文章的立意。在語言上，作者把寫景與說理自然地融合起來，展示了良好的寫作功底。
稍嫌不足之處是由于二、三兩段之間意義上有一個明顯的轉折，第三段段首應該加上銜接詞however，否則顯得過于突然。
(點評教師：黃鶯)
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